Alice's Grand Exit - Our Final Chapter of Wonderland

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Well, hello and welcome to the Comforting Voice Podcast. I'm your host Shasta Ray, and it's just you and me in the studio tonight. Oh my goodness, I was away from the house for quite a while today, and it makes the birds nuts. So they are all upstairs in the bird room. If I had any of them down here in the studio, it would be like Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds, a lot cuter perhaps, but they would just be coming at me from every direction and sticking to me. So they're upstairs playing and watching TV, and the giant dog is flat on the floor. He he got to play with a friend most of the day today, and being his age and energy levels, when he has a whole full day of being social, it wipes him out like nothing else. So he'll be sleeping for probably the next day from that. Anyhow, that was my day. How was yours? Oh my gosh, how is your week? Are you ready for the weekend? It is a long holiday weekend here in the United States. And for all of you in the United States that cannot remember the difference between Memorial Day and Labor Day and which one comes which, I have a little rhyme for you, sort of. And this will help you remember. Memorial Day is in May. Labor Day comes later. See what I did there? The double M's, the double L's. Memorial Day is in May. Labor Day comes later. That's the one that's in September. Okie dokie. That's your knowledge base for the day. Now you can shut off all the learning, all the brainwaves, all the activity, all the chaos and worry and stress. And we're gonna have vintage bedtime stories. And tonight is super duper because we're gonna do not only the grand finale conclusion of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, but at the end of the episode, I'm gonna announce our next book. So you don't want to miss it. Try to stay awake or maybe it's tomorrow and you go to the end or something. I don't know. But for now, I think it's important to go through your sleep prep, so let's do that real quick. If you haven't started the process already, in some capacity, this is where you get comfortable. This is where you settle in. This is where you kick back and get ready to enjoy the show, drift off perhaps, whatever it is that you're here to do. Hang out, fall asleep, whatever. Get in that optimum position with your listening device set at that perfect volume, and give yourself a really good stretch. Reach your arms and legs into your fingers and toes, give them a good wiggle, and then release that stretch. And then you want to follow it up with a couple good productive deep breaths of air. Inhale to about the count of four, hold it to about the count of four, and then exhale a little slower to about the count of six. That really kicks off some relaxation and it helps offload stress and tension. It's awesome. And beyond all that, I trust that you have everything you need at your fingertips, your teddy bear, your bottle of water, your sleep mask, your extra pillow, whatever you need. Alright. I was I really should have a cup of coffee here tonight. It was actually very chilly and rainy where I'm at today, and it's a little chilly in the studio as a result. So, anyhow, I've got a bottle of water. We'll see how that suffices for now. And then before we get going on our episode, I just want to give everyone a gentle reminder. Head over to the website. That's our headquarters. Check it out if you haven't been there yet. Comfortingvoice.com. All of the episodes can be found there, and they are organized by season also, so you can go to a specific episode a lot easier if you wish. I've got some extra links there. You can support the show. Thank you in advance. And if you're looking for some relaxation tools, I author coloring books meant for just unwinding and letting go. No heavy details in them, large print, bold and easy style. They're in the eight and a half by eight and a half popular square size that's all over the place right now. And as an added thing that nobody else does, I have left hand editions. So the images are on the left hand of the page spread, and it's a little bit more friendly and a little more comfortable for all you lefties out there. So check that out. And the first three in my Simply Satisfying series do not have a left-hand edition because you can just rotate the book 180 degrees, and the images have no orientation, so it really doesn't matter. Just turn the book so it's comfortable. And they're great for gifts for lefties in your life. And again, that's comfortingvoice.com. The Thrive Shop is there. You can get your Thrive gear, and as Lawn says it, you can get your 20-ounce bladder buster Thrive mug. Oh my gosh, I've got one, Lawn has one, and um yeah, that's the way to go if you love your tea or your coffee, or even something with a handle you can put your ice cream in. Amazing. Okay. So tonight we are gonna conclude our adventures in Wonderland, and I don't know about you, I never read this book as a kid. It was never read to me as a kid, and I don't really even remember the movie. I remember bits and parts of the movie from Disney, and I think I've seen another variant of the Alice in Wonderland. I think there's one with Gene Wilder in it, if I remember right. So I think I've seen that one years and years and years and years ago. I'll have to look those up. Okie dokie, we are on the final chapter of our book, and just to recap really quick, we left off last week with the court trial going on Who Stole the Tarts? And they were interviewing different witnesses, and at the very end of the chapter, Alice was called as a witness. So we're gonna pick up where that left off in our final chapter of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll Chapter twelve Alice's Evidence Here cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury box with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen onto the heads of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawled about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset the week before. Oh, I beg your pardon, she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident of the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury box, or they would die. The trial cannot proceed, said the king in a very grave voice, until all the jurymen are back in their proper places. All he repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said so. Alice looked at the jury box and saw that in her haste, she had put the lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got it out again and put it right. Not that I think it signifies much, she said to herself. I should think it would be quite the same use in the trial one way up as the other. As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the accident, all except the lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the court. What do you know about this business? The king said to Alice. Nothing, said Alice. Nothing whatever, persisted the king. Nothing whatever, said Alice. That's very important, the king said, turning to the jury. They were just beginning to write this down on their slates when the white rabbit interrupted. Unimportant, your Majesty means, of course, he said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke. Unimportant, of course, I meant, the king hastily said, and went on to himself in an undertone important unimportant unimportant important as if he were trying which words sounded best. Some of the jury wrote it down important, and some unimportant. Alice could see this as she was near enough to look over their slates. But it doesn't matter a bit, she thought to herself. At this moment the king, who had been for some time busily writing in his notebook, cackled out silence and read from his book Rule forty two, all persons more than a mile high leave the court. Everybody looked at Alice. I'm not a mile high, said Alice. You are, said the king. Nearly two miles high, added the Queen. Well I shan't go at any rate, said Alice. Besides, that's not a regular rule. You invented it just now. It's the oldest rule in the book, said the king. Then it ought to be number one, said Alice. The king turned pale and shut his notebook hastily. Consider your verdict, he said to the jury in a low trembling voice. There's more evidence to come yet. Please, your Majesty, said the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry. This paper has just been picked up. What's in it? said the Queen. I haven't opened it yet, said the White Rabbit, but it seems to be a letter written by the prisoner to somebody. It must have been that, said the king, unless it was written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know. Who is it directed to? said one of the jurymen. It isn't directed at all, said the white rabbit. In fact there's nothing written on the outside. He unfolded the paper as he spoke and added, It isn't a letter after all, it's a set of verses. Are they in the prisoner's handwriting? asked another one of the jurymen. No, they're not, said the white rabbit. And that's the strangest thing about it. The jury all looked puzzled. He must have imitated someone else's hand, said the king. The jury all brightened up again. Please, your Majesty, said the knave, I didn't write it, and they can't prove I did. There's no name signed at the end. If you didn't sign it, said the king, that only makes the matter worse. You must have meant some mischief, or else you would have signed your name like an honest man. There was a general clapping of hands at this. It was the first really clever thing the king had said that day. Vamp proves his guilt, said the Queen. It proves nothing of the sort, said Alice. Why you don't even know what they're about. Read them, said the king. The white rabbit put on his spectacles. Where should I begin, your Majesty? he asked. Begin at the beginning, the king said gravely, and go on till you come to the end. Then stop. These were the verses the white rabbit read. They told me you had been to her and mentioned me to him. She gave me a good character, but said I could not swim. He sent them word I had not gone. We know it to be true. If she should push the matter on, what would become of you? I gave her one, they gave him two, you gave us three or more. They all returned from him to you, though they were mine before. If I or she could chance to be involved in this affair, he trusts to you to set them free exactly as you were. My notion was that you had been, before she had left this fit, an obstacle that came between him, ourselves and it. Don't let him know she liked them best, for this must ever be a secret kept from all the rest between yourself and me. That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet, said the king, rubbing his hands. So now let the jury if any one of them can explain it, said Alice, she had grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting him, I'll give him sixpence. I don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it. The jury all wrote down on their slates she doesn't believe there's an atom of meaning in it, but none of them attempted to explain the paper. If there's no meaning in it, said the king, that saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know. He went on, spreading the verses on his knee and looking at them with one eye. I seem to see meaning in them after all. Said I could not swim. You can't swim, can you? he added, turning to the knave. The knave shook his head sadly. Do I look like it? he said, which he certainly did not, being made entirely of cardboard. All right, so far, said the king, and he went on muttering over the verses to himself, we know it to be true. That's the jury, of course. I gave her one, they gave him two. Why that must be what he did with the tarts, you know. But it goes on they all returned him to you, said Alice. Why, there they are, said the king triumphantly, pointing to the tarts on the table. Nothing can be clearer than that. Then again, before she had this fit, you never had fits, my dear, I think, he said to the Queen. Never, said the Queen furiously, throwing an ink stand at the lizard as she spoke. The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark, but he now hastily began again, using the ink that was trickling down his face as long as it lasted. Then the words don't fit you, said the king, looking around the court with a smile. There was a dead silence. It's a pun, the king added in an offended tone, and everyone laughed. Let the jury consider their verdict, the king said for about the twentieth time that day. No, no, said the queen. Silence first verdict afterwards Stuff and nonsense, said Alice loudly. The idea of having the sentence first. Hold your tongue, said the Queen, turning purple. I won't, said Alice. Off with her head the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody moved. Who cares for you? said Alice. She had grown to her full size by this time. You're nothing but a pack of cards. At this the whole pack rose up into the air and came flying down upon her. She gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face. Wake up, Alice, dear, said her sister, why what a long sleep you've had. Oh, I've had such a curious dream, said Alice, and she told her sister, as well as she could remember them, all of these strange adventures of hers that we've just been reading about. And when she had finished, her sister kissed her and said That was a curious dream, dear, certainly, but now run into your tea, it's getting late. So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well as she might, what a wonderful dream it had been. But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her head on her hand watching the setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all of her wonderful adventures, until she, too, began dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream. First she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright, eager eyes were looking up into hers, and she could hear the very tones of her voice and see that cute little toss of her head to keep back the wandering hair that would always get into her eyes, and still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place around her became alive with the strange creatures of her little sister's dream. The long grass rustled at her feet as the white rabbit hurried by, the frightened mouse splashed his way through the neighboring pool, she could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends shared their never ending meal, and the shrill voice of the queen ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution. Once more the pig baby was sneezing on the Duchess's knee while the plates and dishes crashed around it. Once more the shriek of the griffin, the squeaking of the lizard's slate pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea pigs filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable mock turtle. So she sat on with closed eyes, and half believed herself in Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all would change to dull reality. The grass would only be rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds, the rattling tea cups would change to tinkling sheep bells, and the queen's shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd boy, and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the griffon, and all the other odd noises would change, she knew, to the confused clamour of the busy farmyard, while the lowing of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the mock turtle's heavy sobs. Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the aftertime, be herself a grown woman, and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood, and how she would gather about her other little children and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago, and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows and find pleasure in all of their simple joys, remembering her own childhood and the happy summer days. And that's the end. What a fun book that was. Oh my gosh, I enjoyed that so much, I hope you have too. So before we conclude this episode, just as I promised, our next book. You know, I had so much fun hanging out with Alice. She was just kind of the cool kid I always wanted to be, I think. I'm not sure. I think we need to hang out with her again. So we're gonna be reading Lewis Carroll's through the looking glass, and we're gonna see what Alice has in store for us next. You don't want to miss it. Don't forget to subscribe on your favorite app. That way you'll always get notifications and you won't miss anything. That's all I got for you tonight. We'll see you Tuesday for our regular ramble chat mishmash of goodness. And until then, sleep tight, good night, and bye bye.