S3 E21 Sleep Like A Dormouse to Chapter 11 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

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Good evening and welcome to the Comforting Voice podcast. I'm your host, Shasta Ray, and I'm joined in the studio by Emmy the Minnie Macaw. She's over on the Birdie Bird play stand having a snack, and I'm sure she's gonna start screaming and throwing a fit soon enough. So we'll make sure we edit that out if and when it happens, so you know we don't split your eardrums out on bedtime story night. What a what a weird life I live, I swear. Okay, so before we get going, let's just take a second really quick and go through the sleep prep routine. You know the drill, but in case you're new here, you're gonna settle in. You're gonna get comfortable. Are you here to fall asleep? Are you in bed? Are you just kicking back on the couch or in your easy chair? Whatever applies, get comfortable. Make sure that you've got everything you need at your fingertips, a beverage of choice, a late night snack, uh teddy bear, uh sleep mask, uh whatever trips your trigger. Set your listening device at your optimum volume that you prefer, and when you're ready, give yourself a really good stretch. Reach into your arms and legs and engage those muscles. Reach your fingers and toes all the way out, stretch them and then give them a good wiggle and then release that stretch. Feels amazing, does a body good, and best of all you were so distracted that you never heard the pickle chicken screaming. And that is basically due to the magic of audio editing. But anyway, the pickle chicken is now here on the desk and we're continuing the sleep prep with a deep productive breath of air. Inhale to about the count of four, hold it to about the count of four, and then exhale to about the count of six. And you can cycle between the stretch and the inhale, or do a couple stretches and a couple of inhales. Do whatever works for you, make it work for you, but really it's gonna kick off your relaxation and it's gonna help you be asleep before you know it. I promise. Even if you have a pickle chicken. Did you say hello? Okie dokie then. So tonight we are reading chapter eleven of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Next week is the grand finale of the book, and after that is complete, I will be announcing the next book we're reading. So make sure to subscribe or follow on your favorite podcast app. That way you get notifications, and you won't forget Yay, okay, so we are reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. Tonight is chapter eleven Who Stole the Tarts The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them, all sorts of little birds and beasts as well as a whole pack of cards, the knave was standing before them in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him, and near the king was the white rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table with a large dish of tarts upon it. They looked so good that it made Alice quite hungry to look at 'em. Oh, I wish they'd get the trial done, she thought, and hand around those refreshments. But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her to pass the time away. Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. That's the judge, she said to herself, because of his great wig. The judge, by the way, was the king, and as he wore his crown over the wig, he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming. And that's the jury box, thought Alice, and those twelve creatures, she was obliged to say creatures, you see, because some of them were animals and some were birds. I suppose they're jurors. She said this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of it, for she thought, and rightly so, that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it all. However, jury men would have done just as well. The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. What are they doing? Alice whispered to the Griffin. They can't have anything to put down yet before the trial's begun. They're putting down their names, the Griffin whispered in reply, for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial. Stupid things, Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily for the white rabbit cried out silence in the court and the king put on his spectacles and looked anxiously around to make out who was talking. Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down stupid things on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell stupid, and he had to ask his neighbor to tell him how. A nice muddle their slates are gonna be in before the trial's over, thought Alice. One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This, of course, Alice could not stand, and she went around the court and got behind him, and very soon found the opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror, it was Bill the lizard, could not make out at all what had become of it. So after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day, and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate. Harold, read the accusation, said the king. On this the white rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet and then unrolled the parchment scroll and read as follows The Queen of Hearts she made some tarts all on a summer day. The knave of hearts he stole those tarts and took them quite away. Consider your verdict, the king said to the jury. Not yet, not yet, the rabbit hastily interrupted. There's a great deal to come before that. Call the first witness, said the king, and the white rabbit blew out three blasts on the trumpet and called out First Witness. The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a tea cup in one hand and a piece of bread and butter in the other. I beg pardon, your Majesty, he began, for bringing these in, but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for. You ought to have finished, said the king. When did you begin? The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court arm in arm with the Dormouse. Fourteenth of March, I think it was, he said. Fifteenth, said the March Hare. Sixteenth, added the Dormouse. Write that down, the king said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up and reduced the answer to shillings and pence. Take off your hat, the king said to the Hatter. It isn't mine, said the Hatter. Stolen, the king exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum on the fact. I keep 'em to sell, the Hatter added as an explanation. I've none of my own, I'm a hatter. Here the queen put on her spectacles and began staring at the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted. Give your evidence, said the king, and don't be nervous or I'll have you executed on the spot. This did not seem to encourage the witness at all. He kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the queen, and in his confession he bit a large piece out of the tea cup instead of the bread and butter. Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a great deal until she made out what it was. She was beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she would just get up and leave the court. But on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for her. I wish you wouldn't squeeze so, said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. I can hardly breathe. I can't help it, said Alice meekly. I'm growing. You've no right to grow here, said the Dormouse. Don't talk nonsense, Alice said more boldly. You know you're growing too. Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace, said the Dormouse, not in that ridiculous fashion, and he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court. All this time the queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers of the court Bring me the list of singers in the last concert. On which that the wretched Hatter trembled so that he shook both of his shoes off. Give your evidence, the king repeated angrily, or I'll have you executed whether you're nervous or not. I'm a poor man, your Majesty, the Hatter began in a trembling voice, and I hadn't begun my tea, not above a week or so, and what with the bread and butter getting so thin, and the twinkling of the tea The twinkling of the what? said the king. It began with the tea, the Hatter replied. Of course twinkling begins with a tea, said the king sharply. Do you make me for a dunce? Go on. I'm a poor man, the Hatter went on, and most things twinkled after that. Only the March Hare said I didn't, the March Hare interrupted with a great hurry. You did, said the Hatter. I deny it, said the March Hare. He denies it, said the king. Leave that part out. Well at any rate, the Dormouse said, the Hatter went on, looking anxiously around to see if he would deny it too, but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep. After that, continued the Hatter, I cut some more bread and butter. But what did the Dormouse say? One of the jury asked. I can't remember, said the Hatter. You must remember, remarked the king, or I'll have you executed. The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread and butter and went down on one knee. I'm a poor man, your Majesty, he began. You're a very poor speaker, said the king. Here one of the guinea pigs cheered and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court, and as that is a rather hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag which they tied up at the mouth with strings. Into this they slipped the guinea pig head first, and then sat on it. I am glad I've seen that done, thought Alice. I've so often read in the papers at the end of trials. There was some attempt at applause which was immediately suppressed by the officers in the court, and I never understood what it meant till now. If that's all you know about it, you may stand down, continued the king. I I can't go no lower, said the Hatter. I'm on the floor as it is. Then you may sit down, the king replied. Here the other guinea pig cheered and was suppressed. That finished the guinea pigs, thought Alice. Now we shall get on better. I'd rather finish my tea, said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the queen, who was reading the list of singers. You may go, said the king, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court without even waiting to put his shoes on. And just take his head off outside, the queen added to one of the officers, but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the door. Call the next witness, said the king. The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was even before she got to the court. By the way, people near the door began sneezing all at once. Shant, said the cook. The king looked anxiously at the white rabbit, who said in a low voice, Your Majesty must cross-examine this witness. Well, if I must, I must, the king said with a melancholy air. And after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, What were the tarts made of? Pepper, mostly, said the cook. Treacle, said a sleepy voice behind her. Call her the Dormouse, the queen shrieked out. Behead the Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers! For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, and by the time they had settled down again, the cook had disappeared. Never mind, said the king with an air of great relief. Call the next witness, and he added in undertone to the queen. Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache. Alice watched the white rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like, for they haven't got much evidence yet, she said to herself. Imagine her surprise when the white rabbit read out at the top of his shrill little voice the name Alice. And next week we will find out what happens when Alice has to bear witness in court. In the final chapter of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. You don't want to miss it, and don't forget, at the end of the episode, I'm gonna announce what our next book is gonna be. I hope your weekend is off to a great start. I'll see you on Tuesday for our regular mishmash, ramble, chat, bundle of goodness. And until then, sleep tight, good night, and bye bye.