S3 E39 The Lion and the Unicorn in Chapter 7 of Through the Looking Glass

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Good evening and welcome to the Comforting Voice podcast. I'm your host, Shastay, and it's just you and me in the studio tonight. Actually, I'm about an hour late in getting started on recording tonight. I had Emmy the Minnie Macaw down here with her box and her snacks, and she just started going crazy in her box playing with all the stuff I have in there, and she was having a time of her life. So I sat and got caught up on a couple of things while she was playing, and the giant dog joined us at one point in time and was unusually loud. So I just let him lay there and saw logs, and the bird was going nuts, and she was eating and dropping food everywhere and rooting around in her box like a mole. Oh my gosh, it was crazy. So she wasn't settling down, she was making tons of noise, and finally I was like, you know, between the two of you, you're gonna split everybody's eardrums. So the giant dog got evicted, and the bird got put upstairs in the bird room, and now it's us. Oh my gosh, we're ready for chapter something, chapter chapter seven. Have you had one of those weeks? I've had one of those weeks. It's all good though. It takes some of those chaos weeks and you know, crazy days to let you appreciate the days that aren't so crazy. So here we are, being not so crazy and unwinding from all the chaos, and that's why we have this podcast so we can hang out together. Okay, before we get any further into the episode, quick reminder: if you haven't done so already, check out comfortingvoice.com. That's our podcast headquarters, and everything you need is right there at your fingertips. I've got some playlists put together for you. You can do the episodes drop-down menu for that, or if you just scroll down on the home page, you'll see some buttons with the different books we've read, and it'll bring up playlists that way. It's a good time. There's even a fan favorite top 10 list. So the top 10 most popular episodes, there you go. I will be updating that list and making sure that it is current as we go along. But for now, that's our top 10 list. If you are looking for some of the popular episodes, don't know where to start, there you go. Okay, beyond that, the coloring book empire is there. You can get your Thrive gear there, you can support the show there, all different kinds of ways. Here again, coloring books. If you're looking for a relaxation tool where you can just let your mind go and drift, mine are the bold and easy style, large print, popular size, and really great for just disassociation and coloring. Grab yourself some Thrive Gear. I've got some podcast swag, if you will, over there. It's another fantastic way to support the show. We've got a blanket, we've got a pillow, a couple different mugs, we've got a podcast mug, your Thrive Gear mug, and the Thrive Gear has been tried and true. Lawn and I each have one. We we made sure that they work. They are the 20-ounce gigantic bladder busters. It can't be beat. I've gotten other people addicted to these mugs. You don't have to refill your mug very often with these. They hold a lot of coffee or a lot of tea or a lot of ice cream, whatever you do with them. And last but not least, another great way to support the show, you can chuck us an add a boy, an add a girl. The buy me a coffee link is there. And if you click on the extras tab, you'll find the gratitude journal. If you use tablets a lot, it is designed for use with tablets. And then it comes with some digital extras for the the gratitude journal stickers, that sort of thing. So there you go. It's your one-stop shop, comfortingvoice.com. Now we've got that out of the way. Let's make sure you're comfortable and you're ready for tonight's chapter. Oh my gosh, this is another one. It's fun, it's crazy, it's action-packed, and you're gonna fall asleep really easy through it. So you're probably not even gonna catch it. You wanna know why? You're gonna relax right now. Make sure you get your feet up, you're in that comfortable position if you're here to fall asleep, maybe you're kicking back on the couch or in your easy chair. Make sure you've got everything you need within reach, bottle of water, cup of tea. If you need to get your phone on a charger, this is when to do it. Have you let it go too long on the battery today? Make sure you're plugged in if you need to do that, and that your listening device is set at that perfect volume. Then you don't have to fidget with it later while you're still, you know, just trying to be comfortable and not be bothered. We don't want to do that. All right, now you're in that perfect position, you've got your pillow all squished up in the perfect way, you've got everything you need all situated. This is where you're gonna stretch. Just engage in a fantastic, productive stretch through your arms, through your legs, get it into your hands and your feet, your fingers, your toes, and then at the end of that stretch, keep those muscles engaged, wiggle your fingers and toes, then release that stretch. And you're gonna feel that relaxation just instantly permeate you. It's wonderful. And while you're experiencing that wonderfulness, we're gonna take a deep breath of air in, inhale to about the count of four, hold it to about the count of three, top it off with another quick inhale, hold it another second or two, and exhale very slowly, more slowly than what you inhaled up to about the count of six or eight. Do that twice. You can cycle through that, do a stretch and a deep breath. You do that twice, you're gonna be ready to nod off, or you're gonna be feeling a lot better than you did a couple minutes ago when you tuned in. Amazing. Okie dokie, now we're getting to the reason we're all here tonight chapter seven. And before we get going on that, I just want to say how amazed I am about how many of you seem to just love Humpty Dumpty. And not only did last week's chapter seem to attract a lot of new listeners, but the Humpty Dumpty and Analysis attracted a whole bunch of new listeners. So welcome everybody that tuned in. Welcome all Humpty Dumpty lovers. Everyone is welcome here. And even if you're not crazy about Humpty Dumpty, it's a good place to be. Alright, I think I've had my say. So we are reading Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll. Tonight is chapter seven The Lion and the Unicorn The next moment soldiers came running through the wood, at first in twos and threes, then ten or twenty together, and at last in such crowds that they seemed to fill the whole forest. Alice got behind a tree for fear of being run over, and watched them go by. She thought that in all her life she had never seen soldiers so uncertain on their feet. They were always tripping over something or another, and whenever one of them went down, several more always fell over him, so that the ground was soon covered with little heaps of men. Then came the horses. Having four feet, these managed rather better than the foot soldiers, but even they stumbled now and then, and it seemed to be a regular rule that whenever a horse stumbled, the rider fell off instantly. The confusion got worse every moment, and Alice was very glad to get out of the wood into an open space where she found the white king seated on the ground, busily writing in his memorandum book. I've sent them all, the king cried in a tone of delight on seeing Alice. Did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you came through the wood? Yes I did, said Alice. Several thousand, I should think. Four thousand two hundred and seven, that's the exact number, the king said, referring to his book. I couldn't send all the horses, you know, because two of them are wanted in the game, and I haven't sent two of the messengers either. They're both gone to the town. Just look along the road and tell me if you can see either of them. I see nobody on the road, said Alice. I only wish I had such eyes, the king remarked in a fretful tone, to be able to see nobody, and at that distance too. Why it's as much as I can do to see real people by this light. All this was lost on Alice, who was still looking intensely along the road, shading her eyes with one hand. Oh, I see somebody now, she exclaimed at last, but he's coming very slowly, and what curious attitudes he goes into, for the messenger kept skipping up and down and wriggling like an eel as he came along, with his great hands spread out like fans on each side. Not at all, said the king. He's an Anglo Saxon messenger, and those are Anglo Saxon attitudes. He only does them when he's happy. His name is Hayer. He pronounced it so as to rhyme with Mayer. I love my love with an H, Alice couldn't help beginning, because he is happy. I hate him with an H because he is hideous. I fed him with with ham sandwiches and hay. His name is Hayer, and he lives he lives on the hill, the king remarked simply, without the least idea he was joining in the game, while Alice was still hesitating for the name of a town beginning with H. The other messengers called Hada. I must have two, you know, to come and go, one to come and one to go. I beg your pardon, said Alice. It isn't respectable to beg, said the king. I only meant that I didn't understand, said Alice. Why one to come and one to go? Didn't I tell you? The king repeated impatiently. I must have two to fetch and carry, one to fetch, one to carry. At this moment the messenger arrived. He was far too much out of breath to say a word, and could only wave his hands about and make the most fearful faces at the poor king. This lady loves you with an H, the king said, introducing Alice in the hope of turning off the messenger's attention from himself, but it was no use. The Anglo Saxon attitudes only got more extraordinary every moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from side to side. You alarm me, said the king. I feel faint. Give me a ham sandwich. On which the messenger, to Alice's great amusement, opened a bag that hung around his neck and handed a sandwich to the king, who devoured it greedily. Another sandwich, said the king. There's nothing but hay left now, the messenger said, peeping into the bag. Hey, then, the king murmured in a faint whisper. Alice was glad to see that it revived him a good deal. There's nothing like eating hay when you're faint, he remarked to her as he munched away. I should think throwing cold water over you would be better, Alice suggested. Or some smelling salts. I didn't say there was nothing better, the king replied. I said there was nothing like it. Which Alice did not venture to deny. Who did you pass on the road? The king went on, holding out his hand to the messenger for more hay. Nobody, said the messenger. Quite right, said the king. This young lady saw him too, so of course nobody walks slower than you. I do my best, the messenger said in a sulky tone. I am sure nobody walks much faster than I do. He can't do that, said the king, or else he'd have been here first. However, now you've got your breath, you may tell us what's happened in the town. Um, I'll whisper it, the messenger said, putting his hands to his mouth in the shape of a trumpet, and stooping as to get close to the king's ear. Alice was sorry for this, as she wanted to hear the news too. However, instead of whispering, he simply shouted at the top of his voice. They're at it again. Do you call that a whisper? cried the poor king, jumping up and shaking himself. If you do such a thing again, I'll have you buttered. It went through and through my head like an earthquake. It would have to be a very tiny earthquake, thought Alice. Um who are at it again? she ventured to ask. Why, the lion and the unicorn, of course, said the king. Fighting for the crown? Yes, to be sure, said the king. And the best of the joke is it's my crown all the while. Let's run and see 'em. And they trotted off, Alice repeating to herself as she ran the words of the old song. The lion and the unicorn were fighting for the crown, the lion beat the unicorn all around the town, some gave them white bread, some gave them brown, some gave them plum cake and drummed them out of town. Does the one that wins get the crown? she asked, as well as she could, for the run was putting her quite out of breath. Oh dear me no, said the king. What an idea. Would you be good enough? Alice panted out after running a little further, to stop a minute just to get one's breath again. Oh, I'm good enough, the king said. Only I'm not strong enough, you see, a minute goes by so fearfully quick you might as well try to stop a bandersnatch. Alice had no more breath for talking, so they trotted on in silence till they came in sight of a great crowd, in the middle of which the lion and the unicorn are fighting. They were in such a cloud of dust that at first Alice could not make out which was which, but she soon managed to distinguish the unicorn by his horn. They placed themselves close to where Hada, the other messenger, was standing and watching the fight, with a cup of tea in one hand and a piece of bread and butter in the other. He's only just out of prison, and he hadn't finished his tea when he was sent in, Hayer whispered to Alice, and they only give him oyster shells in there, so you see he's very hungry and thirsty. How are you, dear child? Putting his arm affectionately around Hatta's neck. Hatta looked around and nodded and went on with his bread and butter. Were you happy in prison? said Hayer. Hatta looked around once more, and this time a tear or two trickled down his cheek, but not a word would he say. Speak, can't you? Haya cried impatiently, but Hatta only munched away and drank more tea. Speak, won't you? cried the king. How are they getting on with the fight? Hatta made a desperate effort and swallowed a large piece of bread and butter. Uh, they're getting along very well, he said in a choking voice. Each of them has been down about eighty seven times. Then I suppose they'll soon bring the white bread and the brown, Alice ventured to remark. It's waiting for 'em now, said Hatta. This is a bit of it that I'm eating. There was a pause in the fight just then, and the lion and the unicorn sat down, panting, while the king called out ten minutes allowed for refreshments. Hare and Hatta set to work at once, carrying rough trays of white and brown bread. Alice took a piece to taste, but it was very dry. I don't think they'll fight any more today, the king said to Hatta. Go and order the drums to begin. And Hatta went bounding away like a grasshopper. For a minute or two Alice stood silent, watching him. Suddenly she brightened up. Oh look, look, she cried, pointing eagerly. There's the white queen running across the country. She came flying out of the wood over yonder. How fast those queens can run? There's some enemy after her, no doubt, the king said, without even looking around. That wood's full of 'em. But aren't you gonna run and try to help her? Alice asked, very much surprised at his taking it so quietly. No use, no use, said the king. She runs so fearfully quick you might as well try to catch a bandersnatch. But I'll make a memorandum about her if you like. She's a dear good creature, he repeated softly to himself as he opened his memorandum book. Do you spell creature with a double E? At this moment the unicorn sauntered by them with his hands in his pockets. I had the best of it this time, he said to the king, just glancing at him as he passed. A little, a little, the king replied rather nervously. You shouldn't have run him through with your horn, you know. I didn't hurt him, the unicorn said carelessly, and he was going on when his eye happened to fall upon Alice. He turned around rather instantly and stood for some time looking at her with an air of the deepest disgust. What what is this? he said at last. This is a child, Hare replied eagerly, coming in front of Alice to introduce her, and spreading out both hands towards her in an Anglo Saxon attitude. We only found it today. It's as large as life and twice as natural. I always thought they were fabulous monsters, said the unicorn. Is it alive? It can talk, said Hare solemnly. The unicorn looked dreamily at Alice and said Talk, child. Alice could not help her lips curling into a smile as she began. Do you know, I always thought unicorns were fabulous monsters too. I never saw one alive before. Well, now that we have seen each other, said the unicorn, if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you. Is it a bargain? Yes, if you like, said Alice. Come, fetch out the plum cake, old man. The unicorn went on, turning from her to the king. None of your brown bread for me. Certainly, certainly, the king muttered and beckoned to Hare. Open the bag, he whispered. Quick, not that one, that one's full of hay. Hare took a large cake out of the bag and gave it to Alice to hold, while he got out a dish and carving knife. How they all came out of it, Alice couldn't guess. It was just like a magic trick, she thought. The lion had joined them while this was going on. He looked very tired and sleepy, and his eyes were half shut. What's this? he said, blinking lazily at Alice, and speaking in a deep hollow tone that sounded like the tolling of a great bell. Ah, the unicorn cried eagerly. You'll never guess. I couldn't. The lion looked at Alice wearily. Are you animal, vegetable, or mineral? he said, yawning at every other word. It's a fabulous monster, the unicorn cried out before Alice could reply. Then hand around the plum cake, monster, the lion said, lying down and putting his chin on his paws. And sit down, both of you, he said to the king and unicorn. Fair play with the cake, you know. The king was evidently very uncomfortable at having to sit down between the two great creatures, but there was no other place for him. What a fight we might have for the crown now, the unicorn said, looking slyly up at the crown, which the poor king was nearly shaking off his head he was trembling so much. I should win easy, said the lion. I'm not so sure of that, said the unicorn. Why, I beat you all around town, you chicken, the lion replied angrily, half getting up as he spoke. Here the king interrupted to prevent the quarrel going on. He was very nervous, and his voice quite quivered. All around the town? he said. That's a good long way. Did you go by the old bridge or the marketplace? You get the best view by the old bridge. I'm sure I don't know, the lion growled out as he laid down again. There is too much dust to see anything. What what a time the monster is cutting up that cake. Alice had seated herself on the bank of the little brook with the great dish on her knees and was sawing away diligently with the knife. It's very provoking, she said in reply to the lion. She was quite used to being called the monster. I've cut several slices already, but they always join on again. You don't know how to manage looking glass cakes, the unicorn remarked. Hand it around first and cut it afterwards. This sounded nonsense, but Alice very obediently got up and carried the dish around, and the cake divided itself into three pieces as she did so. Now cut it up, said the lion, as she returned to her place with the empty dish. I say this isn't fair, cried the unicorn, as Alice sat with the knife in her hand, very much puzzled at how to begin. The monster's given the lion twice as much as me. She's kept none for herself anyhow, said the lion. Do you like plum cake monster? But before Alice could answer him, the drums began. Where the noise came from she couldn't make out. The air seemed full of it, and it rang through and through her head until she felt quite deafened. She started to her feet and sprang across the little brook in her terror, and had just time to see the lion and the unicorn rise to their feet with angry looks at being interrupted in their feast before she dropped to her knees and put her hands over her ears, vainly trying to shut out the dreadful uproar. If that doesn't drum them out of town, she thought to herself, nothing ever will. Oh my gosh, what a crazy, crazy story. What is going on? Everything in this story just keeps changing and morphing and and just going off the rails. Oh my gosh, how much fun are you guys having out there? I'm having a blast with it. And that's if you're still awake. Are you still awake? Okay, that's all we've got for tonight. We'll catch you Tuesday for our regular mishmash ramble chat of goodness. And until then, sleep tight, good night, and bye-bye.