S3 E45 The Grand Finale of Through the Looking Glass

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Good evening, and welcome to the Comforting Voice Podcast. I'm your host Shasta Ray, and I'm joined in the studio by Emmy the Minimacaw and the Giant Dog. So far, his breathing is not too obnoxious, so we'll see how this goes. What about you? How are you? Are you ready for the weekend? Are you ready to kick back, relax, and join me for the grand finale of Through the Looking Glass? So this is gonna be a fun one. I'm not gonna linger here too long and chit-chat very much. Let's get you comfortable and settled in and get your sleep prep out of the way so we can get started on the grand finale. Make sure that you're in that most optimum, comfortable position. You've got your pillows scrunched up in that perfect shape so you're absolutely comfy and cozy. Get your listening device set at that perfect volume, everything you need right at your fingertips. And when you're ready, give yourself a good productive stretch. You know the gig. Reach into your arms and legs and through your hands and feet into your fingers and toes. Really stretch and engage everything, right? And right before you let go of that stretch, wiggle your fingers and toes really good and then release all your muscles. And oh my gosh, the relaxation will just wash over you instantly. It's wonderful. Follow that up with our favorite deep breath of air. Inhale to about the count of four, hold it to about the count of three, top it off with another quick inhale, hold it for another count or two, and then exhale slowly to about the count of six or eight, and then do that a couple times, stretch a couple times, mix and match, do whatever works for you, and you can use that little trick anytime to offset stress in the moment, offset anxiety, or if it's nighttime, it will set you up for an amazing night's sleep and you'll fall asleep quickly. So there you go, you can take that with you anytime. Okay, so we stopped mid-chapter last week, and we're gonna just pick up right where we left off. So let's get started on our grand finale of Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll. This is the second half of chapter nine Queen Alice. Here the White Queen began with It was such a thunderstorm you can't think. She never could, you know, said the Red Queen. And part of the roof came off and ever so much thunder got in, and it went rolling around the room in great lumps and knocking over the tables and things till I was so frightened I couldn't remember my own name. Alice thought to herself, Why would you try to remember your name in the middle of an accident? Where would be the use of it? But she did not say this out loud for fear of hurting the poor queen's feelings. Your Majesty must excuse her, the Red Queen said to Alice, taking one of the white queen's hands in her own, and gently stroking it. She means well, but she can't help saying foolish things, as a general rule. The White Queen looked timidly at Alice, who felt she ought to say something kind, but really couldn't think of anything at the moment. She never was really well brought up, the Red Queen went on. But it's amazing how good tempered she is. Pat her on the head and see how pleased she'll be. But this was more than Alice had the courage to do. A little kindness and putting her hair in papers would do wonders with her. The white queen gave a deep sigh and laid her head on Alice's shoulder. I am so sleepy, she moaned. She's tired, poor thing, said the Red Queen. Smooth her hair, lend her your nightcap, and sing her a soothing lullaby. Um I haven't got a nightcap with me, said Alice, as she tried to obey the first direction. And I don't know any soothing lullabies. Well I must do it myself then, said the Red Queen, and she began. Hush aby lady in Alice's lap till the feast is already we've time for a nap. When the feast's over we'll go to the ball Red Queen and White Queen and Alice and all And now you know the words, she added as she put her head down on Alice's other shoulder. Just sing it through to me. I'm getting sleepy too. In another moment both queens were fast asleep and snoring loud. What am I to do? exclaimed Alice, looking about in great perplexity, as first one round head and then the other rolled down from her shoulder and lay in a heavy lump in her lap. I don't think it ever happened before that anyone had to take care of two queens asleep at once. No, not in the history of England. It couldn't, you know, because there were never more than one queen at a time. Do wake up you heavy things, she went on impatiently, but there was no answer but a gentle snoring. The snoring got more distinct every minute, and sounded more like a tune. At last she could even make out the words, and listened so eagerly that when the two great heads vanished from her lap, she hardly missed them. She was standing before an arched doorway over which were the words Queen Alice in large letters, and on each side of the arch there was a bell handle. One was marked visitor's bell, and the other servant's bell. I'll wait till the song's over, thought Alice. Then I'll ring the which bell must I ring? She went on, very much puzzled by the names. I'm not a visitor and I'm not a servant. There ought to be one marked queen, you know. Just then the door opened a little, and a creature with a long beak put his head out for a moment and said No admittance till the week after next and he shut the door again with a bang. Alice knocked and rang in vain for some time, but at last a very old frog, who was sitting under a tree, got up and hobbled slowly towards her. He was dressed in bright yellow and had enormous boots on. What is it now? The frog said in a hoarse whisper. Alice turned around, ready to find fault with anybody. Where's the servant whose business it is to answer the door? she began angrily. Which door? said the frog. Alice almost stamped with irritation at the slow drawl in which he spoke. This door, of course. The frog looked at the door with his large dull eyes for a minute. Then he went nearer and rubbed it with his thumb, as if he were trying to determine whether the paint would come off. Then he looked at Alice. To answer the door? he said. What's it been asking? He was so hoarse that Alice could scarcely hear him. I don't know what you mean, she said. I talks English, doesn't I? The frog went on. Where are you deaf? What did it ask you? Nothing, Alice said impatiently. I've been knocking at it. Shouldn't do that, shouldn't do that, the frog muttered. Vexes it, you know. Then he went up and gave the door a kick with one of his great feet. You let it alone, he panted out as he hobbled back to his tree, and it'll let you alone, you know. At this moment the door is flung open and a shrill voice was heard singing To the looking glass world it was Alice that said I've a scepter in hand and a crown on my head, let the looking glass creatures, whatever they be, come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me. And hundreds of voices joined in the chorus. Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can, and sprinkle the table with buttons and bran. Put cats in the coffee and mice in the tea, and welcome Queen Alice with thirty times three. Then followed a confused noise of cheering, and Alice thought to herself thirty times three makes ninety. I wonder if anyone's counting. In a minute there was silence again, and the same shrill voice sang another verse. O looking glass creatures, quoth Alice, draw near. 'Tis an honor to see me, a favour to hear, 'tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me. Then came the chorus again. Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink, or anything else that's pleasant to drink, mix sand with the cider and wool with the wine, and welcome Queen Alice with ninety times nine. Ninety times nine, Alice repeated in despair. Oh, that'll never be done. I'd better go in at once. And there was dead silence the moment she appeared. Alice glanced nervously along the table as she walked up the large hall and noticed that there were about fifty guests of all kinds. Some were animals, some birds, and there were even a few flowers amongst them. I'm glad they've come without waiting to be asked, she thought. I should never have known who were the right people to invite. There were three chairs at the head of the table. The red and white queens had already sat down in two of them, but the middle one was empty. Alice sat down in it, rather uncomfortable in the silence, and longing for someone to speak. At last the Red Queen began. You've missed the soup and fish, she said. Put on the joint. And the waiter set a leg of mutton before Alice, who looked at it rather anxiously, as she never had to carve one before. You look a little shy, let me introduce you to that leg of mutton, said the Red Queen. Alice mutton, mutton, Alice. The leg of mutton got up in the dish and made a little bow to Alice, and Alice returned the bow, not knowing whether to be frightened or amused. May I give you a slice? she said, taking up a knife and fork, and looking from one queen to the other. Certainly not, the Red Queen said very decidedly. It isn't good etiquette to cut anyone that you've been introduced to. Remove the joint. And the waiters carried it off, and brought a large plum pudding in its place. I won't be introduced to the pudding, please, Alice said rather hastily, or we shall get no dinner at all. May I give you some? But the Red Queen looked sulky and growled Pudding, Alice, Alice, pudding. Remove the pudding. And the waiters took it away so quickly that Alice couldn't return its bow. However, she didn't see why the Red Queen should be the only one to give orders, so as an experiment she called out Waiter, bring back the pudding. And there it was again in a moment like a conjuring trick. It was so large that she couldn't help feeling a little shy with it, as she had been with the mutton. However, she conquered her shyness by a great effort and cut a slice and handed it to the Red Queen. What impertinence? said the pudding. I wonder how you'd like it if I were to cut a slice out of you, you creature. It spoke in a thick, suity sort of voice, and Alice hadn't a word to say in reply. She could only sit and look at it and gasp. Make a remark, said the Red Queen. It's ridiculous to leave all the conversation to the pudding. Do you know, I've had such a quantity of poetry repeated to me today? Alice began, a little frightened at finding that the moment she opened her lips there was dead silence, and all eyes were fixed upon her. And it's a very curious thing, I think. Every poem was about fish in some way. Do you know why they're so fond of fish around here? She spoke to the Red Queen, whose answer was a little wide of the mark. As to the fishes, she said very slowly and solemnly, putting her mouth close to Alice's ear. Her white Majesty knows a lovely riddle all in poetry, all about fishes. Shall she repeat it? Her Red Majesty's very kind to mention it, the White Queen murmured into Alice's other ear, in a voice similar to the cooing of a pigeon. It would be such a treat, may I? Please do, Alice said politely. The White Queen laughed with delight and stroked Alice's cheek and began. First the fish must be caught. That is easy, a baby, I think, could have caught it. Next the fish must be bought. That is easy a penny, I think, would have bought it. Now cook me the fish. That is easy and will not make more than a minute. Let it lie in a dish. That is easy because it already is in it. Bring it here, let me sup. It is easy to set such a dish on the table. Take the dish, cover up. Ah, that is so hard that I fear I'm unable. For it holds light glue, holds the lid to the dish while it lies in the middle, which is easiest to do. Undish cover the fish or dish cover the riddle. Take a minute to think about it, then guess, said the Red Queen. Meanwhile, we'll drink to your health. Queen Alice's health. She screamed at the top of her voice, and all the guests began drinking it directly. And very strangely they managed it. Some of them put their glasses upon their heads like extinguishers and drank all that trickled down their faces. The others upset the decanters and drank the wine as it ran off the edges of the table, and three of them, who looked like kangaroos, scrambled into the dish of roast mutton and began eagerly lapping up the gravy, just like pigs in a trough, thought Alice. You ought to return thanks in a neat speech, said the queen, frowning at Alice as she spoke. We must support you, you know, the white queen whispered as Alice got up to do it, very obediently, but a little frightened. Thank you very much, she whispered in reply, but I can do quite well without. That wouldn't be at all the thing, the Red Queen said very decidedly, so Alice tried to submit to it with a good grace. And they did push so, she said afterwards, when she was telling her sister the history of the feast. You would have thought they wanted to squeeze me flat. In fact it was rather difficult for her to keep in her place while she made her speech. The two queens pushed her so one on each side that they nearly lifted her up in the air. I rise to return thanks, Alice began, and she did rise as she spoke, several inches, but she got hold of the edge of the table and managed to pull herself down again. Take care of yourself, screamed the white queen, seizing Alice's hair with both her hands. Something's gonna happen. And then, as Alice afterwards described it, all sorts of things happened in a moment. The candles all grew up to the ceiling, looking something like a bed of rushes with fireworks at the top. As to the bottles, they each took a pair of plates, which they hastily fitted on as wings, and so, with forks for legs, went fluttering about in all directions. They look very much like birds, Alice thought to herself, as well as she could, in the dreadful confusion that was beginning. At this moment she heard a hoarse laugh at her side, and turned to see what was the matter with the white queen. But instead of the queen, there was the leg of mutton sitting in the chair. Here I am, cried a voice from the soup terrine, and Alice turned again just in time to see the queen's broad, good natured face grinning at her for a moment over the edge of the terrine before she disappeared into the soup. There was not a moment to be lost. Already several of the guests were lying down in the dishes, and the soup ladle was walking up the table towards Alice's chair and beckoning her impatiently to get out of its way. I can't stand this any longer, she cried as she jumped up and seized the tablecloth with both hands. One good pull, and plates, dishes, guests, and candles came crashing down together in a heap on the floor. And as for you, she went on, turning fiercely upon the red queen, whom she considered as the cause of all the mischief, but the queen was no longer at her side. She had suddenly dwindled down to the size of a little doll, and was now on the table merely running around and around after her own shawl, which was trailing around behind her. At any other time Alice would have felt surprised by this, but she was far too much excited to be surprised at anything now. As for you, she repeated, catching hold of the little creature in the very act of jumping over a bottle which had just landed on the table. I'll shake you into a kitten, that I will. Shaking She took her off the table as she spoke, and shook her backwards and forwards with all her might. The Red Queen made no resistance whatsoever, only her face grew very small, and her eyes got large and green, and still, as Alice went on shaking her, she kept on growing shorter and fatter and softer and rounder, and chapter eleven waking and it really was a kitten after all. Chapter twelve which dreamed it. Your Majesty shouldn't purr so loud, Alice said, rubbing her eyes and addressing the kitten respectfully, yet with some severity. You woke me out of oh such a nice dream, and you've been along with me, Kitty, all through the looking glass world. Did you know it, dear? It was a very inconvenient habit of kittens, Alice had once made the remark, that whatever you say to them, they always purr. If they would only purr for yes and mew for no, or any rule of that sort, she had said, so that one could keep up conversation. But how can you talk with a person if they always say the same thing? On this occasion the kitten only purred, and it was impossible to guess whether it meant yes or no. So Alice hunted among the chessmen on the table till she had found the red queen, then she went down on her knees on the hearth rug, and put the kitten and the queen to look at each other. Now Kitty, she cried, clapping her hands triumphantly, confess that was what you turned into. But it wouldn't look at it, she said, when she was explaining the thing afterwards to her sister. It looked away and pretended not to see it, but it looked a little ashamed of itself, so I think it must have been the Red Queen. Sit up a little more stiffly, dear, Alice cried with a merry laugh, and curtsy while you're thinking what to do, what to purr. It saves time, remember. And she caught it up and gave it one little kiss, just in honor of having been a red queen. Snowdrop, my pet, she went on, looking over her shoulder at the white kitten, which was still patiently undergoing its grooming. When will Dinah have finished with your white majesty, I wonder? That must be the reason you were so untidy in my dream. Dinah, do you know that you're scrubbing a white queen? Really, it's most disrespectful of you. And what did Dina turn to, I wonder? She prattled on as she settled comfortably down with one elbow on the rug and her chin in her hand to watch the kittens. Tell me, Dina, did you turn into Humpty Dumpty? I think you did. However, you better not mention it to your friends just yet, 'cause I'm not sure. By the way, Kitty, if you'd only really been with me in my dream, there is one thing you would have enjoyed. I had such a quantity of poetry said to me all about fish. Tomorrow morning you shall have a real treat. All the time you're eating your breakfast, I'll repeat the walrus and the carpenter to you, and then you can make believe it's oysters. Now Kitty, let's consider who it was that dreamed it all. This is a serious question, my dear, and you should not go on licking your paw like that, as if Dinah hadn't washed you this morning. You see, Kitty, it must be either me or the Red King. He was part of my dream, of course, but then I was part of his dream too. Was it the Red King Kitty? You were his wife, my dear, so you ought to know. Oh Kitty, do help settle it. I'm sure your paw can wait. But the provoking kitten only began on the other paw and pretended it hadn't heard the question. Which do you think it was? A boat beneath a sunny sky, lingering on dreamily, in an evening of July. Children three that nestle near, eager eye and willing ear, pleased a simple tale to hear. Long has paled that sunny sky, echoes fade and memories die, autumn frosts have slain July. Still she haunts me phantom wise, Alice moving under skies, never seen by waking eyes. Children yet the tale to hear, eager eye and willing ear, lovingly shall nestle near. In a wonderland they lie, dreaming as the days go by, dreaming as the summers die, ever drifting down the stream, lingering in the golden gleam. Life, what is it but a dream? The End. What a fun book and a wonderful little adventure this has been. I hope you have enjoyed Alice's adventures in Wonderland and through the looking glass as much as I have. And next Friday we will be announcing and starting our next book. Until then, sleep tight, good night, and bye-bye.